


Second Guesses

by hadfoot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco is an ass but what's new, F/M, We love a brooding asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 08:53:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15360801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hadfoot/pseuds/hadfoot
Summary: When Draco calls another student a mudblood in front of his muggleborn girlfriend, all hell breaks loose.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr, starlitfawkes

Draco Malfoy could be moody at times, sure. His attitude could be less than favorable, and he was often described as “brooding”. But you were lucky enough to experience a side of him that most people weren’t fortunate enough to see. No one seemed to give the poor boy a chance. He was generally disliked by most students at Hogwarts for the way he acted in his first few years at the school, and you found it ridiculous that no one thought him worthy of a second chance. While you never ignored the fact that his family’s values and morals were, well… _terrible_ , to put it mildly, you knew that that wasn’t Draco. Draco wasn’t anything like his father. In his younger years, he might have seemed to be following in Lucius’ footsteps, but you knew it had been out of fear and a sense of loyalty to his family. He had changed. You had been there to witness it firsthand, and to help him along the way. You were a muggle-born yourself, after all. You knew better than anyone. 

Draco was _good._ He always had been. 

In your eyes, he was absolutely brilliant, and stronger than anyone you had ever met. He had brought you so much joy and happiness over the course of your two year relationship. For the first time, you felt wanted. _Needed._ The last two years had been the best years of your life. 

But, of course, other people had a hard time learning how to forgive and forget. 

Your friends didn’t like him, and his weren’t exactly fond of you. It didn’t matter how many times the both of you tried to explain to the respective parties that your love for one another wasn’t going to change anytime soon, it didn’t stop them from running their mouths. At least your friends had started keeping their thoughts to themselves whenever Draco was present. The same couldn’t be said for the majority of his friends, however, and Pansy in particular seemed to have it out for you.

Younger Draco might have had a problem with your blood status, but he had grown to love you regardless. The fact that you were a muggle-born didn’t bother him in the slightest. He loved you for you, something that Pansy couldn’t seem to understand. She constantly made fun of you for not being pureblood, and it only got worse as your relationship progressed, no matter how many times Draco threatened the girl with a nasty jinx. 

_“She only torments me because she has a crush on you, you know,” you would mention to Draco as you walked down the empty corridors of the castle, watching as he rolled his eyes in response.  
_

_He would then gently wrap his arm around your waist before pulling you close, placing a soft kiss to your temple as he spoke, his lips moving against your skin in a way that caused butterflies to erupt in the pit of your stomach. “She’s just jealous because she’s not you.”_

You had always tried to be nice to the Slytherin girl, but it grew harder and harder as her teasing grew more and more vicious. You felt bad for retaliating after it became too much to just sit back and hold your tongue, especially when Draco hadn’t spewed a mean word to any of your fellow Gryffindors since the early stages of your relationship. He had even left Harry Potter alone, for the most part. But, Draco had told you to simply not worry about it. He agreed that it had been well deserved. If your friends had been as rude to Draco as Pansy had been to you, you were sure that you wouldn’t mind your boyfriend giving them a piece of his mind. 

You didn’t dwell on Pansy’s behavior too much. Your seventh year was halfway over, after all, and you only had to put up with her for a few more months. The thought of moving in with Draco after graduation kept you motivated as ever. 

It was the morning before the start of the Winter Holidays, and you were sitting in an empty corridor, watching the snow fall and waiting for Draco to join you. You both would be returning home for Christmas, something neither of you had done in the last two years. You both were given the option to travel home, of course, but Draco never returned to Malfoy Manor unless it was necessary, as to try and keep the peace, and you didn’t believe that he should have to spend Christmas alone. 

Draco was worried about the holiday. Summer holidays were bad enough as it was. It was no secret that Lucius Malfoy wasn’t a fan of your relationship with his son, and he seemed to always remind him of his opinion whenever given the chance. The first week after summer was always hard as you could really see how much his father had torn down his spirit. You could always tell when Draco had heard from his father by the look on his face and the way that he carried himself, and that’s how you knew something was wrong as he made his way down the hall towards you.

You jumped down from your spot on the window ledge and walked towards Draco, meeting him halfway. His gray eyes met yours, and you hated to see the storm growing within them. 

“Oh love,” you whispered before pulling him into a hug. 

The blonde boy wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing you into his chest as he exhaled. “Father told me that I am to stay here for the break.”

Before you had time to respond, Draco started ranting, his grip on you tightening. 

“He said it’ll be good for me to stay at school, because it’ll give me a chance to study more. And I’ll have more time to practice for Qudditch. And maybe I’ll be able to find a way to earn Slytherin some house points. He thinks I’m a failure. And-”

You stopped Draco before he could continue, pulling back only slightly and placing a small kiss against his soft lips. “Draco, baby…you and I both know that you’re anything but a failure.”

“But what if I am? I try so hard, and it’s never good enough for Father.”

“You’re doing your absolute best. Try any harder and you’re going to completely lose yourself, and I’ll end up losing you too.”

Draco narrowed his eyes and subconsciously gripped the back of your sweater at your suggestion. “Don’t even joke of such a thing.”

“I’m not joking, love,” you mumbled, “you really are giving it your all. I don’t want to see you consumed by your desire to impress your father.”

He closed his eyes and sighed, nodding his head briefly before stepping away only to pull you into his side. “Come on, we’ll be late for breakfast.”

***

Draco’s mood didn’t improve as the day dragged on. You tried your hardest to cheer him up, and while it would work for a few short minutes, you would watch as he retreated back into his head, hearing his father’s voice tell him all he’s been doing wrong. 

You had offered to stay behind with him the following day, but he quickly objected ( _“Your parents have been expecting you for months, you can’t just cancel on them last minute”_ ).

It was decided then and there that he would be joining you on your journey home, which he again objected to, but you had refused to listen ( _“For the last time, I’m not letting you spend Christmas by yourself”_ ).

Draco was still agitated as you both left the Great Hall, having just finished eating dinner. His hair was a mess from constantly running his fingers through it, and his eyes were void of any emotion. You knew he was nearing his breaking point. 

Pulling him around a corner by his tie, you backed yourself against the wall and threw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss. He responded immediately, gripping your hips tightly as your lips moved together. You threaded your fingers into his hair as he lifted you off the ground, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist. You knew you had a high chance of being caught by a professor, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was getting Draco out of his own head. 

His lips left yours and traveled down to your neck, his teeth lightly nipping at your skin. You were just about to tell him to put you down and take you to his dorm when someone came running around the corner, knocking into the both of you. Draco tried his best to keep you from falling, but the force of the impact sent you tumbling. Your head collided with the stone floor, and your vision blurred as dizziness took over. 

You laid on the floor for a few second before blinking the tears away and looking up to see Draco staring at you from a few feet away. He had landed on his stomach, and he was now pushing himself up onto the palms of his hands. His eyes were wide as he watched you try to sit up, and you furrowed your eyebrows but winced as you did. Lifting your hand up to your forehead, you felt something warm and wet coat your skin. Pulling back, you frowned at the sight of blood on your fingers. 

Your eyes flickered back to Draco’s as anger overtook his features, your own eyes widening at his expression. Before you had time to assure him that you were fine, that it was just a little bump to the head, he was standing up and grabbing the offender by the front of his shirt. 

“Are you blind!? How dare you run into us like that?”

The young Ravenclaw frantically shook his head, all words lost as Draco continued to yell.

“What, did mommy and daddy never teach you to watch where you’re going?”

“Draco, stop,” you pleaded, rising to your feet and placing your hand on his shoulder. 

He let you pull him away from the visibly shaken boy, but rage continued to boil in his veins. He was seeing red, and the words flowed out of his mouth before he had time to think about them.

“Filthy, little, no-good _mudblood_.”

You froze as the slur left his lips, the words falling upon you like a ton of bricks. Draco tensed as he realized what he had said, and he slowly turned to face you, guilt and remorse evident on his face.

“I…” he began, but trailed off once he noticed a tear slip down your cheek. 

You shook your head in disappointment and disgust, backing away from the blonde haired Slytherin. He took a step towards you, causing you to take another few steps back.

“Don’t,” you hissed, your hands curling into fists as different emotions flooded your body. “You promised me that you would never use that word again.”

“Y/N, I…you know I wasn’t talking about  _you_ , I was just…I was angry.”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you shook your head. You knew what you were going to say would hurt him, but you couldn’t stop yourself. Your voice was barely above a whisper. 

“Maybe you’re more like your father than I thought. Just…just stay away from me, _Malfoy_.”

You spun around and took off down the corridor, never once looking behind you to see if he was following. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you fled to your dormitory, ignoring the prying eyes of those in the common room as well as the blood that still trickled down your face. Collapsing onto your bed, you continued to cry. You cried and you cried and you cried, until you finally cried yourself to sleep. 

_Was there any coming back from this?_


	2. Part Two

It was the start of the spring term at Hogwarts. The winter holidays had passed uneventfully, although you wouldn’t say that it was fun or relaxing. In fact, it was anything but. You had spent the entire break thinking about Draco, and how hurt you were at the words that had left his mouth the last day before break. They had dripped from his tongue like poison, and although they weren’t directed at you, you could still feel their sting. 

 _Mudblood._  

That word had never hurt you before, when being spoken by someone else. But it was _Draco_ who had said it — the person you loved and cared for more than anyone. He had made you a promise never to say that _foul_ word, and yet, he had uttered it with such ease. 

Part of you, a part of you that you weren’t necessarily happy with at the moment, felt guilty, though. You knew that no one deserved to spend Christmas alone, and you had left him at the school to spend the holiday by himself. An entire two weeks spent with not so much as one friend. Not only that, but your last words to him had been ones that you knew would hurt him. The last thing Draco wanted was to be compared to his father, and you had done exactly that, when his father had hurt him just hours earlier. 

You kept telling yourself that he deserved it, but you honestly didn’t believe it. No one deserved that. 

But, at the same time, that didn’t mean that you were going to go and run back into his arms. No, he was going to have to make the first move. 

You had been one of the last to arrive back at the castle, and dinner was just beginning to be served. You stood outside of the Great Hall, trying to calm your breathing before seeing him. Would he spot you entering, and run up to tell you how sorry he was, and how much he had missed you? Would he wait for you to take your seat before striding over and pulling you into a passionate kiss in front of everyone? Would he simply sit there, and do nothing? With Pansy on his arm and a smile on his face as he looked at her instead of you?

You knew that your anxiety had conjured up the last one, but the thought brought tears to your eyes nonetheless. You didn’t think you could bear such a thing. 

Clenching your eyes shut, you turned on your heel, deciding to skip dinner altogether when your nose bumped into someone’s chest. Looking up, you saw Neville standing in front of you, concern evident on his face. 

“Y/N, what’s going on?” he asked, tilting his head to the side subconsciously. The action would have made you laugh at how cartoon-like it was if your stomach hadn’t been in knots.

“Nothing, I’m fine Neville.”

“You don’t look fine to me. Come on, tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help?”

“Doubt it,” you mumbled, folding your arms over your chest and sighing. You clenched your eyes once more, willing the tears to leave before they could spill over. “I just…I’m nervous to see Draco, is all.”

“Wait, let me get this straight. You’re nervous…to see your boyfriend?”

You didn’t know what to say. Was Draco still your boyfriend, or was he your _ex_ -boyfriend now? You flinched upon thinking of the word “ _ex_ ”. After hesitating for another moment, you slowly nodded your head. “We had a fight before the break…I haven’t talked to him since.”

Neville frowned, scratching the back of his neck as he seemed to think of something to say. He was no fan of Draco’s, so saying _sorry_ didn’t seem quite appropriate. After a moment, a friendly smile returned to his face, and he reached out to gently touch your shoulder.

“Do you want to walk in together? You know, so you’re not alone?”

You bit your lip as you hesitated, looking past Neville to glance at the stairs that would lead you up to the common room. You were still contemplating abandoning dinner, but your stomach seemed to have other plans, as it growled in protest. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you looked back to Neville. “Just…don’t let me fall when I see him, okay?”

He chuckled at your request, but nodded nonetheless. He grabbed ahold of your shoulders and spun you around to face the Great Hall. He then settled his hand on your lower back, urging you to move. You took one more deep breath before walking forward, Neville falling into place beside you.

You felt his eyes on you before you saw him. You always seemed to know when he was staring at you, feeling as if a fire had erupted at the base of your neck solely from having his eyes on you each and every time. You willed yourself not to glance over at the Slytherin table, to the spot you knew he would be sitting in. No, you kept walking, holding your head high until reaching your own seat. Neville smiled as you both sat across from your friends, and you tried your best to do the same, although it was nowhere near authentic. You could still feel his eyes on you, and so, you decided to steal a glance. 

Your lips parted, and it felt as if all of the air had been kicked from your lungs. What you saw, you thought, was much worse than your fantasy about Pansy. 

The circles under his eyes were dark, and Draco looked like he hadn’t slept a wink in the entire two weeks since school let out. He looked thinner, too. Maybe just a tad paler, or maybe his cheeks just weren’t as flushed as usual. His hair, always so neatly kept, was splayed across his forehead in a way that you thought would have looked cute if he didn’t look so sickly. But, worst of all, were his eyes. His gray eyes that you loved so much, that you would normally compare to the finest of silver, looked more like storm clouds. 

He looked completely heartbroken, and lost. Hurt, and confused.

And it wasn’t his father’s fault, or anyone else’s. It was _your_ fault. 

And all you could do was stare. 

You stared, until there was nothing left to stare at. He had stood from his seat and jogged out of the room while you were still in shock. 

What had you done?

***

It had been over a week since the incident in the Great Hall, and Draco had avoided you at all costs. In the classes you shared, he would show up with exactly five seconds to spare, or sometimes late if it was Potions, and he would leave before you had the opportunity to stop him. He began sitting on the opposite side of the table during meals, making sure to keep his back to you. He was missing Quidditch practices, and you couldn’t find him in any of his usually hiding spots. It was as if Draco Malfoy was a ghost, only appearing for moments at a time before disappearing once more.

Neville started sitting beside you during class, and started walking with you between them. It was nice, of course it was. But Neville wasn’t Draco, and you sometimes wished that Neville hadn’t taken Draco’s seats, or position by your side as you walked down the halls. It didn’t feel right, having someone else where Draco once resided. But, it was better than being alone. 

Today was the first day that Draco had failed to make it to Potions entirely. You frowned upon noticing his absence, and soon, it became the only thing on your mind. Was he okay? Was he sick? You had completely stopped listening to Professor Snape’s lecture, and it wasn’t until Neville elbowed you that you seemed to come back to reality. 

“Ow,” you grumbled, sending a glare his way as he rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t hear a word Snape just said, did you?”

Your glare intensified, and that was the only answer he needed. 

“Come on, we need to start working on our potions.”

He took your textbook, opening it to the correct page before laying it back down in front of you. 

Amortentia.

You felt yourself panic as you read the page. You had heard of this potion before. The most powerful love potion in the world, and the last one you wanted to brew at the moment. Shaking your head, you glanced up to Neville who offered you an understanding smile.

“You know Snape will yell at you if you don’t get started Y/N.”

“I know,” you mumbled, taking a deep breathing before beginning to work on your potion. 

You contemplated messing the whole thing up just so you wouldn’t have to smell it, but without Draco to help you, your grades were beginning to suffer. You needed this to be perfect if only for the purpose of a good grade. 

After completing the last step, you quickly backed away from the cauldron, trying your best not to breath it in. Snape had been watching you from the front of the room, and he made his way over to you upon noticing your urgency to be nowhere near the potion. 

“Problem, L/N?”

You folded your arms across your chest and glanced towards the floor, wishing that it would swallow you whole in that moment. “No, sir. No problem here.”

He raised an eyebrow at your answer, peering into your cauldron for a moment before focusing on you once again. “L/N, if you could tell me what your potion smells like.”

“I would rather not, sir.”

“That wasn’t a question. Now, if you would do as I say” he ordered, folding his hands in front of him. 

Hesitating, you slowly nodded your head before leaning close to your cauldron. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to take a deep breath. Your stomach immediately flipped, but there was also a strange calmness that overtook you.

“I smell…black tea. New leather. And…and rain.”

You took another deep breath, relishing in the scent that was all too familiar. It was your favorite scent in the world, and it was all Draco. You hadn’t smelled him in nearly a month, and you couldn’t stop a single tear from rolling down your cheek as you took one more whiff before backing away. You had to find him. 

You looked up to Snape, silently asking if you could be excused from the room. He nodded once, and that was all you needed to start packing your belongings. 

You made it out into the hallway before more tears started to fall. You ran a hand through your hair as you looked up and down the hall, trying to think of anywhere that he could be. You decided to start with the most obvious and work your way down the list you had compiled in your head. 

Turning left, you made the short walk to the Slytherin common room. Getting in was no problem, as he had told you the password long ago. You doubted you would find him here, as it was just _too_ obvious, but standing at the top of the stone steps, you were surprised to see a head of white-blonde hair poking up over the back of a couch. 

Without any hesitation, you ran down the steps, the sound of shoes clicking on stone alerting Draco to the presence of another person. He didn’t turn around to check who it was, though. He knew it was you. He could always tell when you were near. 

You slowed as you neared the couch, taking a moment to catch your shaky breath before moving to stand off to the side of the couch. He kept his eyes on the blazing fire before him, but you watched him swallow hard as he acknowledged your presence. 

“Draco…” you whispered, slowly sitting down on the other end of the couch. He was wearing a fitted black t-shirt, a blanket covering his legs, but you could assume he was wearing pajama bottoms underneath by the rest of his appearance. 

“What, Y/N? Come here to gloat?” he muttered, shifting as he moved to lean his head against his hand.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What? Why would I have any reason to gloat? I…I came to see you.”

Draco stayed silent, but turned to face you, now pulling his knees close to his chest and leaning his back against the arm of the couch.

“You weren’t in potions today…”

“Didn’t particularly feel like being present for this lesson.”

You frowned, mirroring his position. “I quite liked the outcome of today’s lesson.”

“I bet you did,” he practically hissed, screwing his eyes shut. “If you came here to rub it in my face, _L/N_ , you can very well leave.”

“Draco, I don’t-”

“I really don’t need this. Just go! Go and run back to him.”

“For Godsake Draco, _what_ are you talking about?!”

The Slytherin quickly got up from his seat, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “I am talking about Longbottom!”

You stared at him as if he had just grown another head. “Why would I go and run to Neville when I’m here to talk to you and-”

“Because you love _him_ , obviously!”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you quickly shook your head. “I don’t love him Draco, I-”

“Of course you do. Didn’t the amortentia just make it all the more-”

“Okay, first of all,” you said, rising to your feet. “Quit interrupting me. Second of all, I didn’t smell Neville. I smelled _you_ , Draco. I smelled the black tea that always lingers your lips when you kiss me in the mornings. I smelled the leather that reminds me of laying on these couches with you, when you used to hold me and play with my hair. I smelled rain, which is what you smell like when you don’t wear that expensive cologne that you know I hate.”

You hadn’t realized that you were crying until you angrily wiped the tears from your cheeks. “I love _you_ , you complete idiot.”

Turning on your heel, you began to storm out of the common room, but you didn’t get very far. Draco grabbed your wrist, spinning you around. You started to protest, but he crashed his lips to yours, effectively silencing you. His other hand went to the back of your neck, pulling you to him. He kissed you with such intense passion, you felt sparks all the way down to your toes. Your hands found their way into his hair, and you pulled, causing a groan to leave his lips. 

Draco suddenly pushed you backwards, your body hitting the leather couch behind you. He climbed on top of you, his lips meeting yours in another fevered kiss. You never wanted to part from him. Clasping your hands around the back of his neck, you pulled him down until there was no space left between you. 

“I love you, Merlin, I love you so much,” he spoke against your lips, his hand settling on your lower stomach. 

“I love you, and I’m sorry,” you replied, causing Draco to halt his movements. 

He pulled back from your lips, resting his forehead against yours. “What are you sorry for, darling?”

“I hurt you,” you frowned, toying with the hair by his ears. “I said something absolutely awful to you…and made you spend Christmas alone.”

“Don’t apologize, Y/N. I hurt you as well. I should be the one apologizing.”

You shook your head. “You didn’t call _me_ a mudblood, you just said it. I…I knew you were hurt by your father’s letter, and then I went and compared you to him when I know you’ve tried so hard to distance yourself from his beliefs. Draco, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright love, it’s alright. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”

“I forgave you weeks ago.”

Draco smiled down at you, placing a soft kiss to your lips before rolling off of you and wedging himself between you and the back of the couch. “Good…because I don’t know what I would do if you were in love with Longbottom.”

You chuckled. “Mmm…and I don’t know what I would do if you ever fell in love with Pansy.”

He cocked an eyebrow, wrinkling his nose at the thought. “What brought _that_  on?”

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” There was no way that you were going to tell him about your vision of the two of them.

“Odd little thing, aren’t you?”

“You knew that already.”

Draco chuckled, kissing your temple before settling to lie his head on your shoulder. “And I love you even more because of it.”

You smiled to yourself, kissing the top of his head before you both fell into a peaceful sleep, the fire still roaring in front of you. 

You were back in his arms, right where you belonged. Neither of you had ever slept so well before. 


End file.
